Tuesday, April 13, 2004
HETROPHOPHIA
or just plain ignorance and bigotry?
Ok firstly, I am a lesbian... although personally I prefer the word dyke, if I have to give myself a label. (Dyke itself is a word that comes along with a lot of issues, some hate it, some love it, some are insulted by it, etc etc.. maybe one day i will write about what that word means to me) Ok, so I am a dyke, I didn't choose to be gay, but I choose to be proud, in that I mean I won't make apologies for who I am, I am not hurting anyone, I am not thrusting myself on anyone, if you're one of those people that think what gay people do is unnatural, and it turns your stomach, well, quite simply .....don't think about it, I am certainly not thinking about what you get upto in the privacy of your home. So yes, I am proud of me, I am not ashamed of my sexuality and all that, that involves. Having said that, sometimes I am embarassed to be associated with other lesbians... as a species personally they get on my nerves. That though could also be said for any group I automatically get associated with just because of who I am( e.g, white, english, women, vegetarian etc etc).
I never actually spent time looking into the reasons why I am a dyke, sure I have thought back and can see 'signs' from a very young age, but like I said I never looked for reasons why, I just am, to be looking for reasons, could quite reasonably make it open to the assumption that its a symptom, a symptom of what though? A symptom of something that went wrong, like perhaps a broken leg, or a scar, something that means you have to put up with it or fix it, and to me that suggests its not quite right. This would then give weight to the arguments or the lame responses by some men, oh youre only a lesbian cos you haven't had the right guy yet, or I can cure you of being a lesbian, to be honest, those sort of things make me laugh, and are things that make me feel fortunate that I am a lesbian. It is also quite sad, in a way, that some guys feel their sexuality, their manliness is threatened cos someone is a lesbian... when even if they were straight she probably wouldn't shag you anyway.
I don't dipute that some women have been terribly hurt by men in the past, and thus steer away from relationships with men, and form relationships with women, who is to know if this would have happened without that hurt or not. There are some lesbians, who come across as real men haters, for what ever reasons, some I guess, is from past experiences they have had, some I also believe is showing off, for want of a better term, of trying to fit in with a group, and totally getting it wrong, missing the point, and infact in the long run closing themselves off from a large section of the population.
This behaviour is a lot more obvious in chatrooms, and falls into many categories, theres the people who go on and on about guys, and guys pretending to be women, so much so that they spend their chat time just talking about this and never having a conversation... to me whats the point... quite often this category, in my opinion consists of a big percentage of men, claiming to be women, and thinking this man hating behaviour will identify them as a woman, make them more accepted. WRONG!! Theres also the group of people who strive to be noticed, who have little personality, having taken away their ability to slam other people for whatever reason, poor spelling, gender, etc etc, these people pick up on things that get said often in chatrooms, things that evoke a response, and then overkill it, they go on about it, they totally mistake that a one off put down line or bit of sarcasm can be seen as funny or amusing, they labour the point, they use it inappropriately, they victimise individuals, they damage peoples self esteem, they upset and hurt people, trying to be popular by damning someone else.... unfortunately, this for some people seems to be acceptable, it does work to get people noticed, and so they get to be able to chat about other things, and for some reason other people don't pick them up on things that they say that are outrageous, unnaceptable, prejudiced and unnecessary, I have no clue why. Well actually i have, some is fear, some is apathy, some is for the same reason that behaviour started, to fit in and be noticed, be seen to accept it , find it funny etc, gives you some sort of allegiance and common ground... BOLLOX!!!
I dread to think what these people would be like in the flesh, do they really spout off some of the things that they type in chatrooms, do they really believe it? And the rest, do they idly sit by and watch and listen if someone is being attacked unjustly?
Ok, well women's chatrooms should be that, for women, we all know guys go in them, either as guys or pretending to be women, and so its easy to say, they should have the courtesy to keep away from women only spaces, it is in effect, common coutesy to do this. There are a million and one places where guys can chat with women, there are some places where women chose to be alone with women, for whatever reasons that may be. Some, as already mentioned feel safer with women, they do not trust men, perhaps they have been hurt by men, and are 'tarring' all men with the same brush, now we know this in itself isn't right, not all men ar b*stards, not all men are rapists, but for those who feel this way, men intruding in women only spaces, however polite and well mannered they may be once in there, only serve to feed this stereotype and view.
Ok, so earlier, I was saying that sometimes I get embarassed by association, you see when you're with a group of people with a common grounding... e.g women, lesbians, those into BDSM, maybe women against the bomb, or whatever, whilst you have entered that zone and are a part of that group, you in effect are a sort of ambassador, and example, what you say or do, will have an affect on peoples opinions of that group of people, so if someone goes into a lesbian chatroom for the first time, and finds a group of women just bitching about men and nothing else, what reason do they have to not think lesbians are men haters???? Last night i was in a room and was appalled, there was a guy in there, a guy who often is in there, who doesn't understand the reasons behind why maybe he shouldn't be there, he himself has some pretty stupid and bigotted ideas about things, but there were several women, giving time arguing with him, and once involved in the argument I am not sure if everyone was really conscious of what they were saying, some will get into abusive name calling, now to me all that achieves is to make you look silly, personalising and being abusive, suggests you have no real argument, or lack the ability to formulate your thoughts and ideas, and thus have nothing really to say or for people to listen to, but there was something said that outraged me, made me see the person saying it in a totally different light,
: this short little man just has a messianic inferiority compplex. Straight men are just sperm incubators. There might be merit to them being fathers if they would quit raping and abusing children.
I suppose I could go on about what I think this says, why maybe she said it, but let me leave it to you to think about, I am going to leave it there, with just one word about what I think of that statement
# posted by gilly @ 4/13/2004 01:10:00 PM 
PEZZIE
